ALL people have their ups and downs.. which is perfectly normal...and at times you just feel so so down that you think you are the only one who is undergoing the hell-like eternal spiritual torture..
it's been quite a black week for me...with what aforementioned is occuring one of these days.... heard lots and seen lots of cases that teachers practise double standards on students.. and it just come to me as a matter-of-fact thing in real life...but for something you just won't. feel the pinch until you ARE the first party.. victimised by teachers practising favouritism...goodness.... being penalised for something you have not done wrongly..let alone being appreciated..seriously hate them...it has just been internalised in that teacher's mind that one person is definitely better than the other.. there is no way to alter it...
have been very blur the whole week...go to classes just to realise that there's a test.. and to worsen the situation... various illnesses set in...all attacking at once... thank god they aren't that severe... guess it's because i have not been involving myself in much sports lately..haiz... sad sad...
arghH~~
*NAMASTE*

Along the path i have treaded on for the past eighteen years, I have experienced a few bereavements, all of which are losses of relatives. As for each there is a similarity, they all left me dumbstruck, wreathed in dim but overwhelmingly condensed mist, and i would be too suffocated to perceive that these sudden events were actual happenings, as though each loss is not credible ; i will cry hard tonight and expect that the next morning i will have them doing things they had always been doing, talking to me the normal stuffs they used to say.. though i know clearly this will never happen again.. they have indeed..LEFT... i do not know about others...as for me, i wouldn't cry much at the point of time when i lost them...but i will sink increasingly deeper to pure grief when i grew more and more uneasy with their absence.. the places which were once flourished by their presence, actions, has now dwindled to nothingness.. People always say that a thing or a person's worth will only be considered once they are no longer around.. we never appreciate things we have in our hands.. but desire longingly for the things others have, which might not be held important once again, by the possessers..
I was walking with a friend of mine yesterday after class, happily chatting away...and we got so carried away with the conversation that we did not come to realise she was just walking under the automatic bar which stops cars from going through to the car park.. my heart stopped pounding for a moment or two when the hard bold metal bar came swishing agressively down past her head by an inch at most, ruffling her hair.. the proximity of her being clobbered down to unconsciousness is not any triffling thing to laugh about...there has been such a potential casualty ! and the worst part is that i was standing few metres away, clearly witnessing the whole process**my god...she could not have been luckier ..
what could have happened if she was not that lucky? the impulse the bar generates is much too great..i just can't imagine the consequences... i might just lose her... goodness...
more often than not we only come to appreciate something or someone when we lose them...when there will be no further interactions with the people we once loved, whom we never care to show that we do care...so, people, take a look around at people you care about and thank god they are still here, treasure them...and never forgo the chance of sparing them any goodness you have, or there might be deep dark regrets in you when something do happen...

and please...never walk near any automatic bars...

IT has been a long hectic week... though i still manage to find enough time for sleeping... which is the thing i enjoy the most... college has been busy...and there has been quite a great change in college... kinda up-tight ambience... reading room has never been so packed before... you can basically see students busy flippin books and havin great loads of discussion on studies...it's kinda abnormal actually... cuz it's suppose to be holiday NOW... my frenz who are in form six are happily enjoyin themselves...travellin here and there... and us? the london examination board is so damn weird...with the external exams in JANUary...my god...can't even prepare well for chinese new year..can't help out with cleanin the houz all...haiz...and can't even have sufficient time to go shoppin! goodness.... thank god it doesn't fall on the exact day of chinese new year... curse the system...
watched zorro 2 last week...it turned out to be better than what i have expected... though i still think that the first was nicer... antonio and his ever loving catherine have not lost their charm... but somehow grew more overwhelmingly enticing... such a great couple, a second-to-none combination...
well people around have been talking a great deal about the movie harry potter the whole week... these excitin little chit chats among those harry potter great fans have somehow subliminally pull others to go watch it... like a great phenomenal must-watch for any normal movie-goers... the book 4 dat is hp and the goblet of fire was a very entertaining one.. and is somehow different from the first three... cuz it basically revolves around the triwazard tournament which involves so called wizzards and witches from other countries besides the usual londoners..with greater diversity... and so far ppl who have watched it gave quite good comments.. so i really look forward to watchin it this sunday..

the Hollywood star

i finally went for a movie i have been craving for so long..hmm...corpse bride... wasn't one of those very good ones .. but in all...satisfying and entertaining enough.. i have never been dissapointed by any movies starring Johnny Depp, one of my favourite actor, the actor with greatest versatility...
i can still recall the first time i set eyes on the figure who is now a highly successful actor...
i was only like, twelve? he was so different then..innocent-looking...has somehow gone through a metamorphosis to such a mature guy who has got himself labelled as one of the most sexy, beautiful person on earth.. the first movie i saw starring him was sleepy hollow...and my gosh, he was such a catch...fidgety little doctor... and then he evolved to a darn manly lad in 'chocolat'...with the long straight hair tied neatly in a ponytail... such different dispostion.. and then the famous pirate whom so many admire... then down to something sentimental--> finding neverland...one of my favourite movie... so touching... beyond words...i seriously shed tears for this one... he continued to entertain his fellow fans with ' charlie and the chocolate factory' ..one of the masterpieces of great author Roald Dahl... wittily exhilarating... Dahl would be so proud to see this himself..and once again you can see his soul entwined with that of the characters... he challenges every possible character he could think of... and he has always been a success...just think how on earth did he evolve from the solemnly quaint author in ' the secret window' to the boisterous Mr Willy Wonka.... good is just never enough for this miracle of hollywood...
just hope that this drop-out-since-sixteen fellow will continue to amaze us with more good movies....

fiNally the holiday is here!!

cOOL...gOt lots of plannings for this week...but the great start-off of this little hol is sadly stained by my sprained ankle..aikS...make things kinda difficult...even have to miss my yoga class yesterday..how sad...but never mind...it won't stop me from having a great week back in klang~~
can feel the mood of celebration...deeparaya...everyone seems to be happily indulging themselves in the hectic preparations... heralding the end of the few sad happenings in the country... ~~eternal remembrance of the first lady~~ the sun has shone much brighter with azure sky after those long dark gloomy rainy days...
and one thing which brightens me up the most....a string of great badminton tournaments are coming up!! firstly, hong kong open- a six star tournament is starting tomorrow...with all the first class badmin stars showing up ... you have my support, taufik hidayat!! then, china open....it's gonna be so much fun... ready to open my eyes for great matches~~ but how sad xia xuanze 's not lying his finger on the medals... but he remains the forever champion in me~~
go taufik!!

they do say that first impressions count... and not till recent that i found out that i always give people a bad first impression...i never really spare strangers any smile... seemed so unapproachable and distant...
We all live in a very dangerous world where the bad overwhelms the good...with so many evil intentions wafting around.. all masqueraded by angelic faces..you wouldn't be disposed to show the good and soft side of you...
why has it come to this stage...why is everyone so engrossed with the busy life they led without coming to a halt, looking back the things that they have done or even contributed...or is there even any contribution? award yourself a genuine smile if you have indeed done something righteous.... and ponder for a moment if you have not...and compensate for the negative consequences you have incurred...and for the noble ones...try to formulate remedies so that we can make the world a better one.... well, doing something good can never be forced out of someone ....but at least don't contribute to 'bad' things...like they said, if you can't save, don't waste...
i seriously doubt how long can human live with the present practices continue... it surely wouldn't be long before we extinct.. not being pessimistic or what..there is a high possibility...whoever have studied the second law of thermodynamics would know that the world would end, scientifically...

The second law of thermodynamics (the entropy law or law of entropy) was formulated in the middle of the last century by Clausius and Thomson following Carnot's earlier observation that, like the fall or flow of a stream that turns a mill wheel, it is the "fall" or flow of heat from higher to lower temperatures that motivates a steam engine. The key insight was that the world is inherently active, and that whenever an energy distribution is out of equilibrium a potential or thermodynamic "force" (the gradient of a potential) exists that the world acts spontaneously to dissipate or minimize. All real-world change or dynamics is seen to follow, or be motivated, by this law. So whereas the first law expresses that which remains the same, or is time-symmetric, in all real-world processes the second law expresses that which changes and motivates the change, the fundamental time-asymmetry, in all real-world process. Clausius coined the term "entropy" to refer to the dissipated potential and the second law, in its most general form, states that the world acts spontaneously to minimize potentials (or equivalently maximize entropy), and with this, active end-directedness or time-asymmetry was, for the first time, given a universal physical basis. The balance equation of the second law, expressed as S > 0, says that in all natural processes the entropy of the world always increases, and thus whereas with the first law there is no time, and the past, present, and future are indistinguishable, the second law, with its one-way flow, introduces the basis for telling the difference.

so, make full use of the resources we have in hand... there is no time for bad deeds, but there is alwayz an infinite space for good intentions.... strive to make the song sung by good charlotte 'the world is black', a history..an epidemic conquered...

"The World Is Black"
Turn on channel seven at a quarter to eight
You see the same damn thing it's just a different day and
No one really knows why this is happening
But it's happening
And everywhere you go it's just a different place
You get the same dark feeling
See the same sad faces
No one really cares that this is happening
We come into this world
And we all are the same
In that moment there's no one to blame
But the world is black
And hearts are cold
And there's no hope
That's what we're told
And we can't go back
It won't be the same
Forever changed
By the things we've seen, seen
Living in this place it's always been this way
There's no one doing nothing so there's nothing changed
And I can't live when this world just keeps dying
It's dying
People always tell me this is part of the plan
That God's got everybody in His hands
But I can only pray that God is listening
Is He listening?
We're living in this world
Growing colder everyday
Nothing can stay perfect now I see
But the world is black
And hearts are cold
And there's no hope
That's what we're told
And we can't go back
It won't be the same
Forever changed
By the things we've seen, seen, seen
We come into this world
And we all are the same
And in that moment there's no one to blame
But we're living in this world
Growing colder everyday
Nothing can stay perfect now I see
The world is blackAnd hearts are cold
There's no hope
That's what we're told
And we can't go back(We can't go back)
It won't be the same(It won't be the same)
Forever changed(What will ever change)
By the things we've seen, seen, seen
Turn on channel seven at a quarter to eight
You see the same damn thing it's just a different day
And no one really knows why this is happening

reminiscences~

just too bored today so went car riding around my hometown...managed to notice some trifles of changes... we used to have only transnasional as the only one offering bus services..but now rapid KL has come down to klang...miss those times when i took bus rides to school and to tuitions..under the glaring sun-which has contributed to my tanned skin...i happen to be an extremely impatient being...thus i always opted to walk back home instead of waiting for the bus like--10 minutes??...hmm...it saves up 60 cents as well...wonder how much the bus fares have risen...passed by smk dato hamzah today..and it reminds me of the choir competition last year... i was under so much pressure..with so much to do within such tight schedules..and my studies was quite badly affected... but then again...i never regretted undertaking all those responsibilities...it was pure fun..with music all day long... and our efforts were being recognised...got the first for district level but secured only a third placing in the state level....
then went on to andalas and bukit tinggi area...saw the andalas hall which was also once the best place in my life... three years of volleyball tournaments there... there were ups and downs... but like everything else..i gained something from it...
chinese believes in the concept yin and yang...that is, there is always a corresponding negative energy to off-set the positive energy...this applies to everything... for instance..when we face failures, we always gain something from it....becoming tougher than before.....a blessing in disguise, or so they say....therefore, besides the negative impact it generates...there is a positive one....it's just a matter of how strong is the positive....
but then again...it's always easier said than done....when one faces failures...no one other than the first party will be able to feel the deep cut...no one will ever stand by you forever...we are all separate entities....we are always alone...figuratively....
it's sunday nite... and that means i will go back to KL tomorrow...starts off a busy week with classes that stretch right till saturday....it's gonna be a long week....sincerely hope something good happens... I~.~I

we dOn't always get to do what we wanted to...a simple example would be the fact that only a minority of them are actually having their true ambition as their profession now...we have loads in mind to accomplish...but how many have actually being realized? I have Always wanted to be an artist who seeks contentment in producing grand, soul-impressing artworks...or to be a musician who spends the rest of her life in vienna...composing an infinite collection of scores...but i had in fact made a decision of doing actuarial studies...well..not that i am very unhappy with this actuarial thingy all...because i like figures...but still, it's not i want from the deep side of me...
theY say that we should never relate hobbies with practical ambitions...but often do we find that successful people are always successful in doing things they like--> their hobbies, their obssession...and that is why we do not have too many successful beings around us...they do not dare to risk their whole life doing what they like, which are indeed often to be things that seemed not beneficial as a whole...which do not guarantee them luxuries... so, in order to survive in this mad mad world, we can only get involve in things which generate money at a lightning speed... indulgence in stuffs we love will only be a once-in-a-little-while treat... the only time when we can take off the masks we wear in this hypocritical life and breath in fresh, unpolluted air~~

Our lives always revolve around decisions..a powerful manipulation which even the masterminds fear... i have made an infinite number of decisions...which have in return made me the person i am today...and though i always happen to make the wrong choice, i am never tempted to go back to the past to alter them..
People do pop up the question of what's the greatest regrets of your lived life...but i have never tought of any..perhaps too huge a number to take into consideration?or do i not even have any...hmm....that would require much ponderings...
i had a small chat with my class mate the other day and out of sudden the subject of scholarships pop up...and i started thinking about my failures..first asean then jpa...got rejected one after another is such a pain..especially when you had pass the first round of interviews and stood the equal chance with the others...but nothing can be done...too many straight A1's around...i still remembered the time when i got my spm results...i was so upset by the subjects which stained the results...it was bm and my mother tongue language--mandarin...teachers and friends had always harped on the fact that the subject is always the hardest to score...and outstanding straight A1's students always got pulled down by an A2 in the subject...still i took up the challenge...but failed to proof that they are wrong *weeps*...people still ask me nowadays whether i regretted taking the sub....i give a strong NO...i am a chinese...and i love the language....
It's Saturday afternoon...miss those times when i played volleyball on saturdays...back in convent...it was so much fun...you always not only gain pysically from the sport...but mentally as well...it teaches you many stuff...and it goes the same for other sports...can't imagine people who never ever got involve in any sports...they are seriously depriving themselves from so much fun....but then again, i have not got myself into much sports since i started college...well even if i do, surely i wouldn't enjoy it as much as when i was playin with my fellow team mates~~
cHeeRs to CoNveNt KLaNg VolleYbAll tEaM!!

have listened much bout bloggin so decided to get myself into it..my sista told me it's the best remedy to voice out the deepest feelings in u and find a niche out of it..when ur down...with the worst u might have tought befallen on ur weaken soul..but then again, that's what've been said by others...i have yet to verify...
lie down on the bed this evenin and started thinkin bout life..yeah, noe tat's lame... feelin the quietness around me...the three storey house is so so silent..with my sister and brother so far away from home..i am the only person who can spice up my parents' life...and i can only do it when i come down to klang..to my most special hometown...five out of seven days i don't see my parents...being enclosed in the small claustrophobic room in my hostel..ppl alwiz say that college life is the most eventful part of your life...but ironically i have changed so much since i came to Help uni college..i lost my normal self...used to be so cheerful and noisy and most importantly, happy last time..when i was in secondary school...with all my bunch of friends...laughing the whole day..havin fun...hanging out..mamak all the time and talked everything under the sun and under the moon as well...they've been such great support...and now...they seemed so far apart...shed so much tears last week when two of my best friends left for russia to study medicine...that's when i realised ppl meet and part...it's just life...the only little thing u can afford is to miss them...
it's friday nite and i am simply happy....cuz i am back in my cosy, homely house...and it's the last day of college..well college hasn't been as wonderful as some others might be experiencing now...classes are fine...i love figures...mathematics all...though i am not extraordinarily good at it...but i seriously hate my math lecturer...the way she teaches..the methods she uses...she's just gonna make ppl never ever grasp the subject well and treat it with much abhorrence...she is KILLINg the subject...if ever pythagoras or whoever of numerical genius is alive...she's gonna get it....my further math teacher on the other extreme is fine for me...still able to comprehend wutever he is tryin to deliver.. quirky old man who's always blowin his rusted trumpet...the worst subject is economics...this art subject is never easy as what ppl might have said...i miss science subjects so much...especially physics and chemistry...used to score quite highly..just like the subjects very much....as compared to economics....dunno what the hell the subject is babbling about...and with such a good lecturer miss ng leaving...the new lecturer's gonna kill me...literally..... about college mates...they are fine.....though there is no close ones whom i can really be myself with....with so many hypocrites around...that's the reason i 'd rather stick to passivity....just too tired to go around knowing new people with complicated ideas buzzing in their heads...maybe i would open up someday...
thank god that i have great house mates who always cheer me up after a long tiring day of college...they are, in fact the only people i have met so far being their true self... feel so comfortable with them...they somehow remind me of my nine best buddies back in convent...well, that's a good thing to offset the bad things( not too bad actually) i have undergone...
just hope that college life would be much better...~~*wit crossed fingers*