You know what sucks?

When you don't fit in

You know what sucks even more?

When you really wanted to fit in

I am sorry I took so long
I took too long in fact
I will carry yours in mine too
For they are meant to be together
Till eternity

It’s a good thing that I am not staying at the room that you used to look up to. It will remind me too much of you, too much of us.

Love you to bits too.

I am so amazed at how some people can be so patient dealing with erratically disturbed soul, like mine.

Thank you so much. I would not have made it if it wasn't for you.

Thank you.

This feeling is simply
AWESOME
I will need to be patient and sit still while trying to suppress that orchestral buoyancy running through every part of my body.
No overstatement here
The only reason I am saving this piece of rambling on my microsoft outlook draft and posting it when I go home is because i
simply cant wait
See, there are quite a few things that I can't do with the internet my workplace provides. Namely facebook-ing, blogging, and even checking yahoo mails.
That should explain pretty well why I have been quite out of touch with almost everyone and have lost track of who's leaving, who has already left, and who is still in Malaysia, those pelting me with their usual kvetch of my MIA
I miss my bed so much.
It's time that I re-connect with it before I bid adieu in two weeks time
chao~
Penang here I come!
Erm, should be Ice Kacang here I come!!
weEEE!!!

confession made 12th September 2008

Upon the doorsill

I have once tried placing my palms on the side of a kettle.
I did not let go until steam started gushing out the spout and making that familiar whistling sound. IT was after series of short saccades that I started to feel a burning sensation and sprinted for the tap.

Let's just say I was being a kid and this is one of the many things kids do when they are braced for just about anything and too young to apperceive. But of course they don't repeat the same mistake. They learn fast, and they learn well too. Adults on the other hand not only repeat, they ditto them for umpteen times, or for as long as before their senses get back to them.

You know, being twenty one can be rather confusing. You are somehow neither here nor there.I am not very fond of being part of the huddle that lacks the learning capability of a mere toddler. But part of me wants to grow up, to what I have no idea, but I want to break free from what I have been for the past 21 years. I thirst for a change. But that change I might not like, I'm afraid.

The scary part is I have already lost that basic mentality of not repeating mistakes. Nor am I entitled the simplistic thinking that the young minds enjoy. I hardly question and I have learned to accept, probably more than I should. I know where I could be heading and yet a solid wall is where I 'aim' for, reluctantly yet not unintentionally. One thing that kids did not learn about was luck, chances. They don't depend on luck nor wait for good chances. They gauge using only their limited past experiences and common sense. Kids don't believe in fairy tales, adults do. In fact adults hinges on them, so much so that they are too blind to judge.

I guess they are just too tired. You do not gain but lose alot of freedom when you cross that threshold to adulthood. The freedom of being nonsensical, annoyingly inquisitive, gibberish, mischievous, but somehow adorable. The freedom of taking risks but not bearing much of the consequences. The freedom of having no responsibilities and making no pivotal decisions. The freedom of not being judged too much and ah, whatnot. And to lose all that permanently? They do need some fairy tales I reckon. Miracles might be the only thing that could render the hope and the security they need so badly.

I hope I don't get tired too fast. It's gonna be a long journey.

STOPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just how on earth is it possible to even HIT a puppy!!!

Dogs in klang are losing very quickly their freedom to wander around thanks to these monstrous worse-than-cannibals idiots.

Foreign workers eating dog meat

KLANG: Stray puppies are ending up as meals for foreign construction workers keen on reducing their food bills.
Indonesian construction worker Wagang Saring said the high prices of food and the need to send as much money to families back home had forced him and his friends to eat pooches.
“Puppies are the best as their meat is tender,” said the 37-year-old Saring. “The meat gives us energy to work at construction sites. Three puppies will do for five men.”
Saring was approached by The Star at a petrol kiosk in Bukit Tinggi after he was seen hitting a puppy with a piece of wood.
He knocked out the puppy with two blows and carried it back to his kongsi where his friends had already built a fire.
Fellow Indonesian worker Marcel Jeheta, 30, said the large number of stray dogs in Klang provided ample supply of meat.
Jeheta, who comes from Flores Island, said dog meat was a popular source of protein back home.
“Dog meat is widely eaten in Flores Island and we continue the practice in Malaysia,” he said.
A check around the construction site found many dogs, mostly females, that appeared to have littered recently . But there were no puppies in sight.
Cleaner Suriyati Norsalim, 40, from central Jawa, was quick to point out that only some Indonesians ate dog meat.
“Only those from Flores Island, who are not Muslims, and some non-Muslim Bataks (from Sumatra) eat dog meat,” she added.
Vietnamese Nguyen Thi Thu, 25, who works at a factory in Klang, said she noticed her countrymen eating more dog meat recently.
She said dog meat was a popular delicacy in Vietnam.
Animal welfare activist Sabrina Yeap said dog eating was gaining momentum among foreign workers because there was no law against it. “It is not illegal and so no action can be taken against those who do so,” she added.
Yeap, who manages the canine sanctuary Furry Friends Farm, said it was time the Government banned dog eating as it involved inhumane killing methods.

The guilt of not having done much this week and the fact that my exam is on monday plus the panic I was in after the econs lecture kinda made me so determined to work hard tonight. But..but...distraction came knocking on my door as usual. Aha. Since I can't possibly get much done with ppl a few doors away having par-tay(post exam party that is) and blasting their stereo, the idea of working hard tonight? Hmm..let's just say that didn't even come up in the first place.

Checked out some random videos on youtube and I just discovered something I should have ages ago!! I know ppl got famous from youtube but i nv know these ppl exist!!

First thing, I knew bout marie digby and her cover of umbrella and her very catchy song, say it again, but I never knew she got famous from youtube! There are a couple of other very nice songs that she wrote. Check out Miss invisible , it totally blew me away.

I then found Miaarose. A girl born in Wimbledon. Pretty talented. I especially love her nice and easy version of Your body is a wonderland by john mayer.

THen. THEN. This girl, Esmee is so freaking good!! She is pretty famous now I guess ( only ppl like me are so darn outta touch with any latest newz), given that she was opening for JT for his european tour. Her version of What goes around comes around is quite good I would say, Unwritten 's not bad as well, though i still think natasha's voice goes best with the song.

Marie with her angelic voice( and her sweet angelic face), Mia with her powerful voice and Esmee with her very soulful voice. Wow, I've got lots to add to my ipod now, haven't I?

Rather productive night. Except that my revision is (seriously)goin down the drain. Whatever lah-

" You are going back that soon??!! But you just went back!!"

Having gone home just somehow makes you feel rather dearer to and long for that wholesomeness that only home can provide. It makes you more homesick by reminding you how just magicallly wonderful it feels to be home. Even though it's just spending time idling around the house. I have finally come to realise that these rather less salient things in life are the best, really.

I love simplicity :-)

I got back from school for the three hours break with the sole intention to get some good rest that was badly needed due to the damage caused by my extremely disordered sleeping pattern and this was what I found when i was about to throw myself on the bed after entering the room and chucking possibly everything aside.

I HATE HER.

She moved everything from here

to here

and i could see droplets of water on my printed notes and my econs text

This silent but on-going war between me and the latino lady has been heating up ever since I got back to london a week or so ago, after finding my room full of dust and pollens all because of her opening my window wide open for one blardy month.


Never underrate what those little things can do to your room. They are way worse than dust actually, especially those that just stick mulishly onto your carpet and when someone only uses less than 30 seconds to vacuum your whole room, you're bound to live with them for quite some time.







I am gonna get a vacuum cleaner and get this over with. But that will have to wait until my class finishes at two. Would have been better off if I din decide to come home for the "break".


DAMN.

I LOVE


KENNETH OOI BENG HUAT!!

I FEEL ALOT BETTER NOW.

^.^

I woke up this morning with one of the terrible monday blues. Just too reluctant to believe that I am going back to UK in four days' time, ie 96 hours, 5760 minutes 345600 seconds.......argHH.....
and it just worsens when i start thinking about how much i was enjoying last year, at this time.

20/04/07- the five of us crammed once again in shaleen and gurdashan's (not mine haiz) room and us girls had our movie nite- closer by jude law(omg), julia roberts and natalie portman. Bila i still remember the pringles u bought for us!!

This was what gurdashan was doin to my hand while we were enjoying the movie =p thnx gul!


Next morning we had our very early breakfast at ali maju. The four of us, shaleen, becca, bila and I. Selina dumped us and went for her weekly dose of cheerleading practice. WE then have our pics taking session at pbd. Never thought it could be that scenic! HAha...

This IS heaven.

Becca, still remember i forgot to bring my lense 'sucker' thingy? U and Maria had to go all the way to bangsar and get me one. So SweEEt.

Managed to snap this pic with kecik after a day out with ken.

A BIG HAIH.

Oh ya budak,

HAPPIE TWO YEARS ANNIVERSARY ;p

I forced myself not to succumb to that already droopy pair of eyes. But it was a weird part of the body that just doesn't seem to get the right neurons from up there.
So I gave in and decided to treat it a little, make it more zealous about its role -EYES WIDE "SHUT", still, after four episodes of Simpsons. This ain gonna work.

It just had to make its counterparts do the tedious work of wearing layers and layers of clothing, stepping outside and battling with the mad whistling wind. Ah, finally it's a wee bit more opened. That stupid pair of eyes.

It kept itself busy scouting around counters and counters of goods. What joy.

But it threatens to close, again, when it was back in the room. That dimly lit, soundless room.
And it did.

But at least the mind had its share too. Satisfied.

Thank god for Brunswick.

Happy Chinese New Year!!

Happy CNY folks!!!

This is the second time I'm spending my CNY in London, but it's the first time I'm not spending it at home =[

Dad called me at half past twelve msia time just so I can hear the used-to-be-annoying sound of firecrackers back home, and of course,

the sound that lil toby makes when his chain gets entangled around the ladder.

Poor toby, must be terrified.

Had eve dinner with a bunch of friends at a restaurant in bayswater. 9 dishes!! Great food i must say. Quite cheap as well, about 13 per person. But 900 ringgit for the meal still sounds abit scary i guess?

Took me almost an hour by bus to bayswater. If only the bus doesn't go via oxford street, gosh u can see for yourself how scary human traffic can sometimes be.

I was checking for mails( for fun actually) when i came back from dinner and I saw something for me!!

how not to miss home la u tell me??

for my dear friends,

Last updates from me have been ages ago, sorry bout that ;p

Before i start harping on my life, let me just say something awfully cliche,

Time do pass by very fast.

Damn it, i just had to say it.

Seriously it's so true, even if you are not really having a great time.

Michaelmas term was a quick one. I was basically busy trying to gain ( still trying though) back the momentum to actually work, but was hardly working. Procrasination was a loyal buddy who eventually chose to put me into a mess that took so long to clear.

My christmas break, just like the term, was so eventful that it got me totally knackered that i spent most of my first week of this term sleeping. In fact, I slept at nine twice during this second week of school! Spain was fun, enjoyed good food, good company and good bridge sessions ;p But I must say eleven days of travelling is abit too long. Things that made u go gaga on the first day perhaps would not even earn a coups d'oeil on the very last day. You are simply exhausted.

In all, Spain is beautiful. Pay her a visit if you can. I know the seafood would definitely make u not regret it.

Glasgow was, erm, not too bad actually as compared to what i have expected. Guess I went on the right time. It wasn't too cold, though the wet weather does get you turn off. They've got really friendly folks there, who speak in an accent that constantly amuses me. I lurrve the scottish accent!!!

Edinburgh wasn't that friendly to me. It welcomed me with a terrible snow storm but it was fun nonetheless. Going up the hill to the castle while battling with the weather was some adventure. I went there alone and meet up ah ni, who was there with her friends from bristol. Shame that we couldn't spend much time in the castle because of the weather. We paid 14 pounds. DAmn.

I long for more hols now. Haiz. Never contented, are we?

I am craving for coffee bean's blueberry muffin now. hehe. God that's so so random.

2007 was a year that passed by extremely fast

It was sorta a gap year for me, was working and doing nothing much.

I miss my kids in the kindergarten. How i wish they'll never ever grow up.

To be that pure, forever.

I had some major downfalls this year. And it was through them that i finally realise how important my family is.

How they always forgive you

and

love you even more

2008?

I long for the day I next set foot on the familiar land

hmm, a little late to make new year's resolutions now, am i not?

it's never too late for such things, just as long u do live up to them ;p


a friend once said to me that every second is special in some way, one being u never will have that second again.


me: u wanna go out with us? we're gonna do something later at 01:02:03 ( it was on 04/05/06).
her: why are you doing something?
me: cuz it's a 'rare' moment? we'll only have that once.
her: we'll also have this second once.


she smiled at me after that.


it was something so obvious that i hadn't been able to see.


well, not to say at all that count downs and new year celebrations are utterly meaningless. We do need more excuses to celebrate, do we not? hehe..


Just that besides having new year resolutions to achieve something this year, we can always set to achieve something this week, this day, this hour, or even at this very moment.


So, what do you think u can achieve right after reading this last word?

" What is the purpose of your living in this world? More importantly, what are YOU to the world?"


One question that indra used to ask umpteen times, yet one that i can never have an answer to.

I do, sometimes screech to a halt from being awfully busy with homework that comes with no holds barred, and ponder upon such questions.

NO. I'm not talking bout economics here. We're not going into the costs or benefits that i incurred or gave to the society.

but rather

are we meant to do something, with the precious presence of mind that we are given?

Or are we completely engulfed in the mist of all the misconstrued perseptions that we've been impelled to believe

and

TO just follow the path that we think we have to take?

There is never such path, only the blinkered ones think there is.

so before you continue your journey on the road that u think u ought to take and are taking, to be like everyone else, think,

IS this really what i want at the end of the day?

for someone like me who's already 20, how many more 20's do i get? 3 perhaps?

so, what should and what can you do to somehow, maybe change the world?

or do you choose to give back your presence without it being well used, or worse, felt?

I have not felt so much of satisfaction for a very long time
12++ hours of sleep!!
and i'm still sleepy, damn ;p
having people who love to party(in their room) a few doors away is not such a pleasant thing, really.
not at least if u sleep alot like pigs but do not sleep like one

I lurVVE wednesdays!! cuz i get to do alot of things that i deprived myself from on other days and today will be quite exciting i guess, second volleyball match and it's against imperial!! It's rather amazing how our team can play so well as A TEAM, when we've only practiced a few times. Not to mention that my team mates are really awesome people ;-)

But i need to finish my abstract maths homework before i get to hit some balls and kick some ass. I'm amazed at how much the subject can irritate me when i thought what we had in matematik moden was horrible.

I think a three year old kid can do better than me in this subject. Not to assume 2-1=1? Nah, that's too much.

i miss cheap food

i miss annoying my dogs

i miss annoying my parents

i miss going to midvalley and watching movies that cost me less than a pound

i miss having ice kacang that doesn't cost me 6 pounds

i miss telling what i want for lunch and dinner at home and having them right when i want them

i miss watching the big screen at home and dozing off with the remote control grasped in my palm

i miss being surrounded by friends who don't talk about internships all the time

i miss driving and not walking around

i miss shopping IN a mall and not walking down streets with smokers stinking my clothes

i miss doing random things at home

i miss playing fusball and screaming when someone scores

i miss wearing flip flops wherever i go

i miss having my hair cut at 1 pound

i miss everything at home

arghHHHHHHH

I'm actually way too busy to blog at the moment because of the workload(which really isn't too bad till you start lazing around and procrastinating too much). BUt, my laptop (which is 24/7 on and is right beside my pile of homework) and the one thing that has been on my mind for too long is really urging me to pour this out.

I've been seeing faces of my friends in malaysia(who are now in malaysia) here.

Doesn't sound right?

haha.

For instance, the first one i saw here was dharma.

Then, I met spencer.

Golokha was after that, i think.

and i met darryl last tuesday when i was doing my laundry

then i saw the girl that i miss so much, selina!(muacks to you too!!)

and guess what?? I just said hie to wei yi!!

Oh. One thing, they all prefer to be called different names.