Upon the doorsill

I have once tried placing my palms on the side of a kettle.
I did not let go until steam started gushing out the spout and making that familiar whistling sound. IT was after series of short saccades that I started to feel a burning sensation and sprinted for the tap.

Let's just say I was being a kid and this is one of the many things kids do when they are braced for just about anything and too young to apperceive. But of course they don't repeat the same mistake. They learn fast, and they learn well too. Adults on the other hand not only repeat, they ditto them for umpteen times, or for as long as before their senses get back to them.

You know, being twenty one can be rather confusing. You are somehow neither here nor there.I am not very fond of being part of the huddle that lacks the learning capability of a mere toddler. But part of me wants to grow up, to what I have no idea, but I want to break free from what I have been for the past 21 years. I thirst for a change. But that change I might not like, I'm afraid.

The scary part is I have already lost that basic mentality of not repeating mistakes. Nor am I entitled the simplistic thinking that the young minds enjoy. I hardly question and I have learned to accept, probably more than I should. I know where I could be heading and yet a solid wall is where I 'aim' for, reluctantly yet not unintentionally. One thing that kids did not learn about was luck, chances. They don't depend on luck nor wait for good chances. They gauge using only their limited past experiences and common sense. Kids don't believe in fairy tales, adults do. In fact adults hinges on them, so much so that they are too blind to judge.

I guess they are just too tired. You do not gain but lose alot of freedom when you cross that threshold to adulthood. The freedom of being nonsensical, annoyingly inquisitive, gibberish, mischievous, but somehow adorable. The freedom of taking risks but not bearing much of the consequences. The freedom of having no responsibilities and making no pivotal decisions. The freedom of not being judged too much and ah, whatnot. And to lose all that permanently? They do need some fairy tales I reckon. Miracles might be the only thing that could render the hope and the security they need so badly.

I hope I don't get tired too fast. It's gonna be a long journey.