guilt

a simple yet powerful word

that sometimes permeates every inch of you

and you would totally give in without even being asked to

though with forgiveness the guilt lives on

it may haunt you or

it may be a mild cut that will never heal

a thought that can bring you down so low

even when you think you've lived off the guilt

for those who've gotten the forgiveness pined for

lucky you

but things may never be the same

faith and trust are always hard to earn

but ironically way easier to lose

and once lost might nv be regained

not in the purest form at least

for those who are nv granted forgiveness

or more appropriately not granted the chance to deliver their apologies

sanity brings you nothing but hell of torments

you wish to alter the past

to save yourself from the void you've unwillingly brought into existence

to wipe the guilt from your life

and most importantly

to bring the person back

you would be puzzled at the things you'd done

wondering what thoughts were blotching your mind at that time

or were you even sane at all?

you would resent yourself for the decisions you'd made and thus the way you'd behaved

thinking that they were so not credible(for the present day)

and that

even a wrecking ball banging constantly like a metronome at the side of your head that time

would knock you inTO nothing near sanity

miss you, grandma

and i would do anything, ANYTHING

just to spend one more day with you

to savour the seemingly everlasting moments

to see you smile