I think I’ve changed. Sometimes I even wonder at how the old me used to be.

In fact, the change is quite drastic. All right, for those who know me after high school, the old me owned a disposition very much alike to that of John’s. John Lim.

I no longer have the buoyancy I so enjoyed last time. For instance, I went to see my school’s choir team perform at the state level competition today, and I didn’t feel like approaching them, but sat faraway to see them perform. Only a few juniors with very sharp eyes managed to notice me and came to have some chats. The old me would have definitely approached the team and done whatever nonsense she needed to to keep them relaxed and do their best. And the old me would have surely approached the club’s teacher advisors( still the same old Puan Indra and Puan Maheran, that I had gone through a lot with) and the headmistress, who all happened to sit at the same row as I was.

I felt happy for the team when I heard that the headmistress was offering them new uniforms (the present ones are already much more dazzling than the ones we had). I remembered having to convince her to let us have our uniform was a tough job. I lost count on the number of times I had to see her before she gave the crucial nod. I guess she must have found it a good investment by now. Hehe.

I’ve been seeing my good old classmates lately.

There was a huge lapse before I realize how I should be behaving. I totally forgot that I was the trouble maker, teaser and god knows what else. To the extent that I couldn’t react at all when all my friends started teasing me like how they used to. You know, well, I was the joker. And I’m still expected to be one.

But it’s funny when I reminisce about the years in high school. I was so restless that I even attacked the so called “quiet ones”. Well of course I was the only one that can make them not so quiet by irritating them. Cumone, I was doing them a favour. They needed to release! I was also somewhat of a communicator for them cuz the others found it hard to reach them. Haha. Sense of triumph.

I miss my class so much. Seriously.

Even the classroom. Ours was the only one with a stage and a piano (which can still produce some amount of nice music though awfully dilapidated). I can still clearly remember that MIC was on the front left row, MCA at the back, UMNO on the right and me, in the middle of all the parties. Oh ya, we also had parti kebebasan. They were hardly in the class so you can see them changing places all the time (if ever they were IN the class). Teachers (enjoying a perfect view from the stage) never liked our highly noticeable congregations, but their effort to switch our places was always to no avail.

But don’t get this wrong. We were the perfect paradigm of different races living harmoniously (and liberally) together. We did what we needed to do, compromise. The huge family was a happy one. One to be dearly missed.



Now, I am always the one listening, the one observing. A person with very few words. A girl who is tired of going around knowing more people, who prefers to be left alone. SuZhen a jester? No WAY.

Maybe some maturity has grown into me.

That a good thing? I really don’t know.