I think I’ve changed. Sometimes I even wonder at how the old me used to be.

In fact, the change is quite drastic. All right, for those who know me after high school, the old me owned a disposition very much alike to that of John’s. John Lim.

I no longer have the buoyancy I so enjoyed last time. For instance, I went to see my school’s choir team perform at the state level competition today, and I didn’t feel like approaching them, but sat faraway to see them perform. Only a few juniors with very sharp eyes managed to notice me and came to have some chats. The old me would have definitely approached the team and done whatever nonsense she needed to to keep them relaxed and do their best. And the old me would have surely approached the club’s teacher advisors( still the same old Puan Indra and Puan Maheran, that I had gone through a lot with) and the headmistress, who all happened to sit at the same row as I was.

I felt happy for the team when I heard that the headmistress was offering them new uniforms (the present ones are already much more dazzling than the ones we had). I remembered having to convince her to let us have our uniform was a tough job. I lost count on the number of times I had to see her before she gave the crucial nod. I guess she must have found it a good investment by now. Hehe.

I’ve been seeing my good old classmates lately.

There was a huge lapse before I realize how I should be behaving. I totally forgot that I was the trouble maker, teaser and god knows what else. To the extent that I couldn’t react at all when all my friends started teasing me like how they used to. You know, well, I was the joker. And I’m still expected to be one.

But it’s funny when I reminisce about the years in high school. I was so restless that I even attacked the so called “quiet ones”. Well of course I was the only one that can make them not so quiet by irritating them. Cumone, I was doing them a favour. They needed to release! I was also somewhat of a communicator for them cuz the others found it hard to reach them. Haha. Sense of triumph.

I miss my class so much. Seriously.

Even the classroom. Ours was the only one with a stage and a piano (which can still produce some amount of nice music though awfully dilapidated). I can still clearly remember that MIC was on the front left row, MCA at the back, UMNO on the right and me, in the middle of all the parties. Oh ya, we also had parti kebebasan. They were hardly in the class so you can see them changing places all the time (if ever they were IN the class). Teachers (enjoying a perfect view from the stage) never liked our highly noticeable congregations, but their effort to switch our places was always to no avail.

But don’t get this wrong. We were the perfect paradigm of different races living harmoniously (and liberally) together. We did what we needed to do, compromise. The huge family was a happy one. One to be dearly missed.



Now, I am always the one listening, the one observing. A person with very few words. A girl who is tired of going around knowing more people, who prefers to be left alone. SuZhen a jester? No WAY.

Maybe some maturity has grown into me.

That a good thing? I really don’t know.

I have encountered people that are smart enough for me to praise the existence of human. Also, there are people that aren’t as lucky to have the IQ level some may have. But I am one that holds to the conviction that no one should ever be labeled stupid. Well, of course we can’t help but observe the rife of people misusing the word stupid for anything that exasperates them. Hmm. I myself, not proudly, am caught in this pandemic as well.

Amazingly I have always learnt more from people who may not be very smart. They look at things differently, ask questions that you may find simple but dont have the answers to, and they always have some knowledge that you may find very useful. By the way, there’s always something that you can learn from anyone, regardless of their IQ level. Learning from someone else’s mistakes, for example, can be a very good lesson. A free one too. The only thing required is for you to be humble enough and dispense with pride that will do you only harm.

However ‘slow’ someone may be, there is no one that is in the right position to label them ‘stupid’. This is especially applicable to teachers, who always pronounce death sentence for a student whom they have judged prematurely, instead of discovering the student’s maximum potential. Who are you to judge anyway? They may very well surpass you one day.

And whenever someone is not good enough at something, don’t scoff at their silliness. Assistance is wanted more than satire. You might just discourage them from bravely facing their weaknesses. And trust me, when someone is practicing side parking for instance, “What the hell are you doing” are the words he/ she wants to hear least.

Humility. I respect Confucius for that.

Six hurt as trailer goes off flyover

KLANG: Six people were injured when a trailer skidded and went over a flyover before landing on a car below at the Bulatan Simpang 5 here yesterday.
The trailer with its empty container was heading from Port Klang to the town centre here when the incident happened about 3pm.
“There was heavy rain and the trailer driver was believed to have lost control of his vehicle. It skidded before crashing through the railing and fell five metres down,” a traffic officer said.
A Toyota Harrier carrying a family of four, from Banting, was at the roundabout below the flyover when the trailer fell on it, he said.
The 52-year-old trailer driver, his co-driver, 36, and a husband and wife, in their 50s, have been taken to Tengku Ampuan Rahimah hospital for treatment.
Two other passengers in the car were sent to a private hospital.
The lorry driver had serious injuries while his co-driver suffered a broken leg.

Gloomy day. Literally i mean. It's been drizzling for hours now.
Went to KLCC, again, with mum. And since it was drizzling, I was abit phobic about driving. Cuz the accident happened after a heavy downpour. I went super slow when i was going up the flyover and guess what i saw. Around the same spot of the left divider which i hit, there wasn't ANY MORE DIVIDER. 4-5 metres of the divider gone. I was totally lost for words and gave a weak chuckle. Mum held my left forearm, silent comfort. I was praying hard that nothing too bad happened to the vehicle that went down. And no other vehicles was down there when it came down. cuz that part of the flyover is just above a busy roundabout.

mum: eh, how high up har that part?
me: hmm. dunno. but i know that's the highest point of the flyover.
mum : ohh.

When i was driving back, a stupid bnw horned me for doing nothing wrong. I got so mad i shouted f*cker straight. My mum laughed. I think it's the first time she heard me cursing.

dear mc tagged me ;-)

5 things found in your bag:-
1. Phone
2. iPod mini
3. wallet!!
4. tissues
5. gastric medication

5 things found in your purse/wallet:-
1. IC
2. cards
3. notes!!
4. pics with ahChe
5. pic of buh

5 favourite things in your room:-
1. pc
2. guitar
3. BED!!!
4. mosquito repellent
5. doink and bear bear ;-)

5 things you’ve always wanted to do:-
1. learn to play as many instruments
2. learn surfing and loads of others extreme sports
3. go on an overseas trip with dad mum sis and bro
4. be an actuary
5. be a yoga instructor

5 things you are currently into:-
1. SLEEPING
2. shopping
3. sudoku
4. movies
5. missing loads of people alot

5 people you tag:-
1. ahChe
2. nabila
3. selina
4. becca
5. ken

my take

There aren't many classmates that i can remember from my kindergarten . In fact, probably only one or two faces will come into visualisation when i grope hard from memory. Friends in kindergarten were the first group of people we were exposed to alone and forced to communicate with. Our social life pretty much has its foundation built then. Otherwise there isn't much that could be remembered. Perhaps only a sense of affability when you find out that some friend you've just made attended the same kindy.



Friends from primary school were just the perfect people to play the mischief game. The best time to do all the stupid things and punishment was just a way of life. The most enjoyable time with no burden whatsoever and stress was never in our dictionary then.



Secondary school was the time when so many unfamiliarities hit at a time. Questions would come with more questions and we started to search our own identity. Confused. Inquisitive. Greatest metamorphosis would take place. And friends that you made during this time would influence you the most, and to me, they would be the ones that bring the most memories. Afterall, they are the people that had been through with you one of the longest fragment of your life. Even if you meet up after not seeing each other for ages, you won't feel awkward and never will you run outta topic. Though silence is hardly any embarassment for all of you.



Friends made in college are some sort of casual acquaintances. No more clingy to your friends and greater sense of maturity will be observed. And when you do find a good friend, chances are that friend will be one worth keeping. Cuz part of our identity search is pretty much completed and once you click with a person that shares your interest or complements you, you click.



Hostelmates. Place where you get to know a person best within the shortest period of time. All their habits that are never revealed to most of their friends will be unearthed hehe. They will be the substitute for your family and the people that you can have the highest number of midnight chats with. Most of the time people staying here are quite independent, compromising and thus easier to mingle with without much fuss.



University? Yet to find out. But the energy to go around knowing new faces is starting to run low.

NABILA J

she left for melborne yest. can't believe she's on another piece of land now...making noise so far far away. miss her heaps dee. sigh. PEREMPUAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't stop feeling lucky after what happened on saturday.

I was still safe in little kelisa after hitting the dividers three times on a flyover.

It felt like a roller coaster ride when my whole body was hurled to the door. It especially resemble the corksrew ride in genting (at the brink of the hill) when i hit the divider on my left and it felt like i was going to fly off from the bridge. But unlike the rides, i can't afford to shut my eyes.

I can still feel the impact, and feel exactly how i felt that moment.

For once, the car wasn't going the way i manoeuvred the steering wheel . It went straight at a left turning. banged to the right divider. then left. then right again.

Luckily the kancil on my left that time went fast enough or i might just bang it and watch it fly off the flyover.

Luckily there was a guy who asked the traumatised me to get outta the car before other cars come banging at my car when they were speeding down the flyover, not being able to see me.

Luckily the car that banged the right divider ( too late to stop after spotting me ) didn't come after me.

Luckily no one was hurt.

It didn't feel good when i saw the dent on the divider yesterday. In fact, it felt weird. This may sound weird but i felt like i was reborn and i was brought back to the spot where the whole 'thing' occured.

I miss little kelisa. It broke my heart when i last saw it. I felt so guilty to see it in such a state.

Some time and definitely courage will be needed for me to drive on that flyover again.

raNdoM

what if?
the question i've asked myself the most
i've always said that i have no regrets in my life, cuz it's the decisions i've made that brought me to where i am today. I might have also said so because i'm lazy to think of what could have been and what could have not if it had been otherwise. So many possibilities. In fact, too MANY to consider that i've chose to just let things be as they were, instead of torturing myself with the endless string of what if's, not to forget the guilt that it'll bring about.


but since i haven't got much to do lately, i've consider a few of what if's.

if the starting point has been a different one all the while, then i guess the route it led to would have been something totally diff as well. So this was the first,

what if i was never in existence? will the people around me still be as they are today? have i actually made an impact on their life? who could have been my substitute if i wasnt' there all along? Would my parents actually have a third child then? boy? or a girl? or there was never a third?

CURIOUS. DEAD curious about the possibilities.

is everything actually written? and us the actors and actresses to play the written roles?
easy questions. with no perfect answers.

rare it is for you to say words from heart,
to do things out of sole sincerity
you've learnt to speak the proper, hardly the right
your mind and soul have long lost their freedom to voice
this is the way to survive
to live an easier life

grant your words total freedom
and bumpy rides will soon strike
what's the point then you might ask?
to smile when you're so unhappy
perhaps it's the benefits that your fake facade guarantees?
compensation that entails remains the only source
for you to seek consolation
to reap some rewards

hypocrite,
people may call you that
and to bear that bitter remark is never easy
again you can only bank on recompense
to do the healing job


you're tempted to stand up for yourself
but considerations of the aftermath
make you cower in fear
thus the overt condemnation
of ppl that go against the rigid convention
and the covert admiration
of their blatant act


to LOVE, to CARE, to SHARE
those are the first few things you were taught
but as you see the world for yourself
you learn to compare, compete and conform
and THAT
never requires any teaching


YOU've been moulded to be perfect for survival
to live the stereotype everyone expect of you
to develop hobbies that aren't your interests
to do things that arent's your nature


So well adapted
that you'll soon forget that you're adapting
and thus the true self will slowly make its disappearance
what's left is but an empty soul
automated to do what you've habituated yourself with,
but never to complete what you're destined to


YES
life is a party
a masquerade party
it can be hell boring or heavenly
depending very much on your ability to fit in

nic3 surpris3~~

hehe

felt so so appreciated!!

muahH brandon!

老豆五十四了

today's dad's burfdae, just one day b4 the widely celebrated mother's day.

the celebration seemed a little quiet as there were only three of us.

thus dad decided to bring blackie and toby in for the soiree.

they were abit confused at first.

but the cream helped them find their way.hehe.

the two angels i love the most

life after phuket -->

TOTALLY BORED!!!

Your Life is 51% Off Track

Right now, you're taking things one day at a time. Some things are going well, but you can't help but wonder if you're getting the most out of life. It's time for you to slow down and reflect a little. You can change your life - but it's up to you!

Are You Living The Wrong Life?

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive. Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are innocent, sweet, and young at heart. You present a purity that many people find appealing. However, you are often tired of people treating you like a child. Underneath it all, you enjoy being babied and pampered. You have been known to feign inexperience to get out of sticky situations. You fear getting old and losing your childlike charms.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

You Are a White Rose

You represent youthfulness and purity. Your vibe: Sweet and heavenly Falling in love with you: is like falling in love for the first time

What Color Rose Are You?

Your Hair Should Be Blue

Wild, brilliant, and out of control. You're a risk taker with an eye to the future.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

You Were a Zebra

You tend to see life in black and white - clearly without filters. You enjoy being part of a group while maintaining your individuality.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

You Are 62% Misanthropic

Here's the truth: Most people suck. You are just lucky enough to know it. You're not ready to go live alone in a cave - but you're getting there.

How Misanthropic Are You?

"da" trip~~24-28/4

I felt like i have so much to say about the phuket trip, but with my mind totally blotched with a multitude of different images flashing intermittently, i really find it hard to pen down the journey coherently. So pardon my poor narration below. hah.

DAY 1 24/4

All of us met up at Mcd KL sentral. Took the bus to LCCT at 1145 am.

Filling the arrival/ departure forms at LCCT. Others went to get liquor.

John looking weird with the bottle.
[fr left:mishan, duresh, john, spenz, jeyan]

Awesome View from plane.

Outside Phuket International Airport
[fr left: me, ken, spenz, jeyan]

First Dinner in Phuket. Waiters from the makan shops at rat-u-thant road were crossing the street towards us hailing for business..haha....very desperate..

Lepak at Patong beach after we 'cuci mata' at bangla road. Nightlife at Bangla Road is definitely interesting hehe.

DAY 2 25/4

Ken and I went for a morning walk. Bangla road is practically DEAD in the morning.

In front of the Bangla Boxing Stadium

Us at Patong beach.

went for breakfast buffet after that. yummie. everyone gathered at lobby at around eleven. the went out looking for bikes. 7 bikes for 14 of us.

pumping petrol. oh ya, always go to a petrol station in thailand. these mini " petrol stations" really do cut your throat nicely.

Started our ramdom journey. went down south.

First destination, Karon beach. The beach where we spent the longest hours. Fun hehe.

After having enough of the beach, we took a break and had lunch somewhere near. We then went down south again to Dino Park and played mini golf. SUPER FUN..hehe...

Went south again, wanting to catch the sunset at Kata beach.

But we left b4 sunset and continued to Promthep cape. Halfway the weather took a sudden change and dark clouds were gathering, so we backtracked back to patong. Was caught in the rain but reached safely to hotel. Had awesome tomyam for dinner that night at Phuket town.

Phuket's Mat Rempit's

DAY 3 26/4

Left hotel at 8 something for the chetty and headed for coral island.

Boat ride wasnt as exciting as the one i took to perhentian, so was the entire trip. snorkelling equipment was lousy and we were left on an island after lunch for three freaking hours. Everyone was practically sleeping.

At night we went for thai oil massage at one of the many massage shops infront of our hotel. not bad. some guys were a bit freaked out when they got guy masseurs haha...btw, we have stretches of gay bars and clubs there too, so can't really blame them. had dinner at rat-u-thant again but diff shop, which was freaking expensive. went and did abit of shopping after that. bought some t-shirts and managed to get some quite good bargain, with help from the typical chinaman, john.

DAY 4 27/4

Went out looking for bikes again but mishan,darell, john, jeyan and ying ming decided to get a car. headed up north. First stop, surin beach.

Our bike

Went to bang pae waterfall after that. Nothing interesting. the waterfall is 1 km into the forest. so kinda like jungle trekking abit. it was SO NS like. had lunch there. Btw, noodles in thai look like kuey teows.

We then headed to nai thon beach. The waves there are totally cool.. biggest that i've ever seen. there were only a few of us on the beach as this is one of the secluded beaches..

WE left b4 dark, not wanting to get lost cuz the road there was quite narrow and winding, kinda steep as well.

As it was the last night in phuket, we decided to have a nice dinner. Went to Savoey seafood. I didn't order much but apparently the food is quite good and fairly priced as well. Oh ya, do have baskin robbins there, it's cheaper there hehe.

Last dinner.

TOMYAM!!

Day 5 28/4

Everyone did last minute shopping. WE left hotel at one something. Flight was at four. Had lunch at the airport, burgerking. Super expensive there, but they have triple whooper there. Btw, Mcd here has pork burger, and it's the best seller..haha...

So long, Phuket.

Last pic of us at LCCT. The end of the trip we'd been looking forward for so long. SIGH.

The few things i got from Phuket

and of course, memories. Loads of them.

raNdoM

Title : Why British think 80% of M'sians coming to UK to study law?

UK Immigration Officer: Purpose of visit?

Visitor: I'm here to study law, sir.

Officer: You know, you must have a lot of lawyers in Malaysia .

Visitor: Why do you say that?

Officer: Well, i've been here for a good twenty years, and I'd
say
80% of Malaysians I see here say they're here to read law.

Visitor: Oh, really? That's really something i never knew. Hard
to
believe in fact.

Officer: Just you watch, then. You just stand here until the next
Malaysian comes along, and I'll bet he's here to read law.

*Visitor waits for 5 mins, Ah Chong from Malaysia comes to
immigration counter*

Officer: Mr. Ah Chong, purpose of visit?

Ah Chong: Study lorr...

210407

em gnirepmap rof

totally knackered

My portfolio in the kindergarten has been changed three times in total. From tuition teacher for the primary schoolars to a kindergarten class teacher and finally now a computer class teacher. The second was seriously the worst now that i think of it, cuz by 1230 it would feel like i've worked full day...possibly OT...so much of energy required to control the entire class, so much of lawlessness to be taken care of, so much of voice needed to make myself heard over the din. Gosh, somehow i feel relieved that i'm no longer a class teacher. But dun get me wrong, those kids are absolutely charming, in a maddening way. Now i only handle at most four kids at one go, so much difference from handling 13 or so kids at a time. But the tiring part is that i have to run up and down to each class, calling those children for classes, repeating sickeningly again and again the same stuff for the freaking whole week. You just need one week, at most two weeks to know all the children's names. Yes, all 80 of them. And it became an amazingly wonderful tool to keep the children in order, because shouting "KEEP QUIET" can never whip the lash harder than saying " havilah, keep quiet".

there's this boy xin yi who is apparently a headache to all teachers. I always wonder where, WHERE the hell the class teacher gets her voice from, that super high decibel voice that can be heard intermittently from most corners of the kindergarten. Sometimes it just hurts us to hear her screaming like that. THis boy, this BRat, once said " I don't mind being punished, I LOVE punishments" and that drove us all to our different boiling points and we decided that rewards will be the only solution, and thankgoodness it turned out to be an effective one.

I don't really like kids, unless u're loveable and u BEHAVE. But somehow i think ( stressing the word think) my perception has been changed a little. I once asked the teacher who replaced me as the class teacher, who does she think is the naughtiest in class, expecting her to mention the few familiar names i'd been shouting for two weeks, but she just said " to me there are no naughty children, they are just different from one another". So true. However notorious they get, they are not faking it, whatever they do, it's not intentionally done.

and one thing, children are forgetful. They know nothing about revenge.

oh ya, I forgot to mention that i'm giving tuition for this seven year old boy, brandon OOI. Basically i cover the subjects english, bm and maths. This boy's cute, and he just got his left ear lobe pierced last weekend.

Perhaps the person we turn out today are the results of factors we never took care to notice. The surrounding, the people around us somehow bring the concoction of our behaviours into existence. I always believe that man are born innocent, but to a world far from innocence. A lot others will very well disagree with this credo of mine.
I judge people. A lot. Because I was brought up to believe that strangers never come with good intentions till he/she proves total probity, and with that i managed to save myself from bad things( thanking my parents), but good things are forsaked as well i suppose? perhaps i could have made extra friends? perhaps i could have at least learn something from that few minutes of friendship even though it's with a stranger that i probably wouldn't meet again.
i should probably open up more, to judge less or not at all. Breaking from the chain of conventional beliefs might render some risks, but i think it's worth it.


"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."-- Wayne Dyer

"It is harder to crack a prejudice than an atom."-–Albert Einstein

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."-- Mother Teresa

愤与喜

爱与恨

生与死

有时真的只是一线之差

多一股勇气, 多一份耐心, 多一点坚持, 多抱点希望

或许可带给你更多快乐

退一步的确是海阔天空

pikcha randomica

::swEEty SWeety corn corn::only thing that drives me to live in cameron::

::shaleen bought for me just b4 econs paper::chocs craving at enc::two milo panas "kao" not in the pic haha::

:: sound i miss hearing::

::name i miss calling::

::hand i miss holding::

成长

就一定要牺牲往日的童真吗?

跟着岁月的步伐

似乎都忘了原点在哪

过往对自己的承诺

有过的美梦

都失去了原有的地位

我

开始学会了放弃

你呢?